crushed..
disappointed...
hopeless...
failure...
f'd up beyond all recognition..
back-stabbed...
double-crossed...
etc etc etc..
what am i lack of? what does it have that i dont have?
i thought i had it... yea thought.. but wadya knw? i f'ing screwed up.... i always said to myself.. never give up, never give up.... but now im lost.... im not sure whether to give up or not.. the feeling just wont go away.. God help me! guide me.. teach me how... what should i do? i feel so lost... im sorry everyone for posting this emotional post but heck.. thats what im feleing right now.. i've never been this disappointed before... its by far my worst breakdown ever... and if ur reading this post... its not your fault.. dont feel guilty about it... i kept thinking whether this would be a stupid thing to do.. and yeah.. it is.. stupid rite? is it worth it? i have no idea...
anyhow... my feelings for you is still strong.. the feeling started since last year.. as time passed, it grew... grew stronger... it developed over a year.. i have expressed my feelings for you... i waited.. waited waited... i was actually waiting for nothing at all.... waiting for empty hope..
its like hoping for winter in malaysia... but apparently, someone came and took her away from me.... someone who i looked up to.. i was back-stabbed.. double-crossed... u knew about it.. but kept quiet.. and made me look like a fool... true.. a fool i was... i was jealous at first.. but then it grew and it became hate... i never liked hating people... but this time i cant help it.. i know its wrong to hate and be jealous... but im trying my best not to.. why is this always happening to me? this has got to be the 2nd time.. the only difference is that this hurts even more than the 1st.. i dont mean to condemn anyone here.. nor demand something from you... im just here to express my feelings... thats all... im sorry u have to read this utter crap.....
as i was typing this, i had a flashback of the times we had together.. eventhough we werent actually together.. i enjoyed it... there were times when we we're together but u didnt notice me at all... i was nobody.. a stranger... if u were ashamed of me.. im sorry..
when u said "we're still friends" i knew at that point i've failed.... but i my hard head kept trying... u made me do unbelievable stuff... stuff that i cant believe... ur amazing and still are...
i still have no idea what to do.. should i? or should i not?
and the best part is... my own brother sided them.. my brother who i turn to for advice.. ive been double back-stabbed and triple-crossed... i thought i could count on you.. but i was wrong... i was never right.. im a fool being fooled= an uber foolish person....im such a fool... at least there are still friends who i can count on to assist me.
Tan.. we've been friends since primary 1.. it has been 9 years..... our friendship still stands strong... i thank you for being there for me when i needed help...
ive planned to call her... and now im doubting whether to go on with my plans... if i do... what should is say? if do what will she say?
pimples reaching to the surface of my face like molten lava trying to burst through the surface of the earth....
i asked my friend whether if i have a chance with her... she said 'no'
all of this must mean something...
God must be telling me something.. i know theres a message behind all this...
i still cant find out.. still lost as ever...
the time is 0424 hours... i cant and wont sleep until all the feelings in my heart is expressed...
im doubting u'll ever see me again after reading this...
for your information...
the hard headed,foolish, stupid, clueless,double back-stabbed, triple-crossed boy is still waiting for "the" reply...
ive decided... keep moving forward.. im a loser if i give up without trying..
the time is 0431 hours...
its very late... i should be sleeping now...
i shall end here with some meaningful quotes...
Faith is the continuation of reason.
William Adams
Patience is the art of hoping.
Vauvenargues
Patience is the art of hoping.
Vauvenargues
Make yourself necessary to somebody.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Anonymous
Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
Hermann Hesse
Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.
Niccolo Machiavelli
He that can have patience can have what he will
Benjamin Franklin
Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.
2 comments:
hey im really sorry for what you have been thru. you know, you are still my brother, just like my juniors. i really love all of you.
and im so sorry that i sided them. i helped them because all they had was mutual feelings.im very sure about that cause somehow i became that lil bird... the messenger bird.
you didn't show that you were mad at me but somehow i felt a lil of that. hey bro... im so sorry that i made you feel miserable.
i hope God will one day lead you to the right person. i have nothing else to say but a thousand of apologies.
no matter what, i'll still support and help you if you need it.
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